The Art of Awkward Conversations by Melissa Collier Gepford

pim-chu-dWzWo22F0mA-unsplash (2).jpg — The Art of Awkward Conversation

Melissa Collier Gepford

Day 1 of 6: Boundaries

Jesus had to go through Samaria. He came to a Samaritan city called Sychar, which was near the land Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there. Jesus was tired from his journey,so he sat down at the well. It was about noon. A Samaritan woman came to the well to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me some water to drink.” His disciples had gone into the city to buy him some food. The Samaritan woman asked, “Why do you, a Jewish man, ask for something to drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” (Jews and Samaritans didn’t associate with each other.) Jesus responded, “If you recognized God’s gift and who is saying to you, ‘Give me some water to drink,’ you would be asking him and he would give you living water.”

-John 4:4-10 (CEB)

I wasn’t always [LGBTQIA+] affirming. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s part of my story, and it’s part of how I’ve come to know the God of radical inclusion and grace for those of us who don’t quite get it right away. I believed God’s love was for all, but I put an asterisk next to “all” and made qualifications for who that actually meant. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing… but it was. I had drawn all sorts of neat and tidy boundaries for who’s in and who’s out, and—big surprise—I was in.

Until all of the sudden, I wasn’t. My senior year of high school, I was kicked out of youth group, and the people I’d identified with my entire pubescent stage had abandoned me. I felt alone, lost; that was the moment my deconstruction journey kicked into high gear. Luckily, earlier that year, I’d made some new friends—some unchurched friends—and God forgive me, I thought it would be a good evangelism friendship. It turns out, they saved me.

It just so happens that a couple of them are gay. My gay friends, the ones I’d drawn a boundary around, were Jesus to me—that living water the Samaritan woman so desperately desired. All of a sudden, I was the Samaritan in the story. I’d never even thought to identify with anyone else except Jesus, but there I was, and there they were—so unexpectedly, beautifully—being Jesus to me. And that’s how I learned that Jesus breaks down all sorts of ridiculous boundaries and walls that we so haphazardly build.

Samaritans were Israelite descendents who escaped exile during the Assyrian Empire, remaining in the West Bank area, where their religious, cultural, and political norms developed differently from other Israelites. As history unfolded, their rift became a violent conflict. It was common for Jews to avoid traveling through Samaria, even though that meant taking the long way around, which is why the Samaritan woman was so surprised that a Jewish man (Jesus) would be in Samaria, much less speaking to her. He was an unlikely and quite possibly awkward conversation partner (just read the rest of their conversation—it was awkward); yet, there they were, as if the boundary didn’t exist.

I came to know Jesus as a radical, boundary-breaking revolutionary through a lot of awkward conversations. I’m still learning. I’ve become quite experienced in awkwardness, and I’m thankful for my progressive friends who have been patient with me along the way. AND. I also recognize that I have benefited from their emotional and mental labor in those conversations. I don’t think we can talk about Jesus as boundary-breaking without also recognizing that he was pretty adamant about boundary-setting as well. He often pulled away from the crowd to spend time alone, and he had some harsh judgments for people like me who thought they had it all figured out.

Jesus was in the business of breaking down harmful boundaries while establishing new and healing boundaries for all people.

What boundaries have you drawn for yourself that might be harmful to others? And what healing boundary might you establish for yourself today?

Day 1 of 6: Boundaries

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