“Home” for the Holidays by Lorae Bonamy

Day 1: A Renewed Mind

Don’t be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you can figure out what God’s will is—what is good and pleasing and mature.
-Romans 12:2 (CEB)

Many people following a Christian faith tradition are taught this scripture from the perspective that the world is evil, and Christians must reject the way the world does things and follow the way of the Church. However, in this scripture, Paul makes it clear that we are to follow the ways of God. Paul does not say it is a simple process, however; instead, Paul tells the Romans that they must be transformed.

According to the Oxford Languages dictionary, “transform” means: make a thorough or dramatic change in the form, appearance, or character of. This is exactly what I experienced when I left southeastern Pennsylvania 2.5 years ago. I realized that I was living conformed to legalism and Biblical literalism, perpetuating the unloving and misinformed patterns of my church, which — at the time — was my world.

Re-reading Paul’s words with a fresh understanding of the word “transform,” I see the vision of an intentional searching and culling taking place in a person’s heart and mind. When you go home, you might feel a sense of guilt wash over you, as the distance between your beliefs and those of your relatives becomes increasingly clear — but you have nothing to be guilty about.

This journey toward God’s heart looks like rejecting much of what we have been taught about our emotions, our bodies, our friends who follow other faith/wisdom traditions, and even the Bible. Pursuing what is good, pleasing, and mature will upset some people — because while this journey can take place in community with others, it is between you and God. As you prepare to be in spaces that no longer feel familiar, comfortable, or even safe enough to accept the ways you may have changed and grown, reflect on the following questions to center your values, and connect to yourself:

How do my foundational values diverge from those of the people I am visiting this season?
How are my values more good, pleasing, and mature as a result of my transformation?
What have I learned about God that I did not know before?
How can my words and actions reflect this new knowledge while I am at “home”?

One major way that my own foundational values diverge from some of the people I am visiting this season is that I believe God fully affirms Their LGBTQIA+ children. This transformation pushed me to move out of the binary in many other contexts and get comfortable with the both/and nature of most things in life. I can reflect this new knowledge of the vastness of God by understanding that people who believe differently than I do are still God’s beloved, and then modeling real love to them.

While this may just seem like a call to nice-ness, it is actually meant to be a reminder that God’s love is truly unconditional, and it goes in all directions.

Day 1: A Renewed Mind

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