When Bad Things Happen… by Emma-Claire Martin

When Bad Things Happen…

Emma-Claire Martin

Day 1 of 5: …To Other People

Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent God’s only Son into the world so that we might live through God. In this is love, not that we loved God but that God loved us and sent God’s Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved, since God loved us so much, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and God’s love is perfected in us.
-1 John 4:7-12

Grief does not move smoothly from one stage to another. It cannot be tracked in a linear, forward motion of five distinct steps, in which once you leave a step it is never to be seen again. But even though grief is messy and sprawling and different for everyone, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief can still be helpful tools for processing some of the faces that grief can wear. For the next five days, we’re going to walk through these five stages as a way to cope with all the bad things that we’ve been going through — this year, but also in the years before that and the years to come.

When bad things happen, it can be overwhelming. So much so that the temptation to look away from those bad things and pretend they aren’t happening is real. Have you ever walked past a homeless person on the street without making eye contact or giving them the cash in your pocket? Have you ever just scrolled past a post about a recent injustice on social media because that injustice took place on the other side of the world? These questions aren’t meant to shame you. They aren’t meant to push you into empathy burnout. Denying the existence of pain makes us feel better, but the truth is it only does so temporarily. In moments when your world is disrupted, denial feels safe. Of course we go there first. Confession isn’t a reprimand — it’s a reconciliation with yourself. It’s an opportunity to discover a new way to deal with the overwhelming feelings that hit you when you’re faced with the suffering of others.

When bad things happen to other people, the spirit of American individualism tells us that the suffering of our neighbor is wholly unrelated to our own suffering. But the Gospel couldn’t be any more different: God lives in our very love for each other.

God doesn’t live up in a heavenly cloud castle far away from our human problems. Instead, God can be found in our vulnerable human relationships. Every time we cross the false barrier of individualism and take on the grief of our neighbor, God’s love is perfected in us.

Love is the antidote to denial.

When the weight of tragedy falls upon you, even when that tragedy isn’t your own, know that God can be found in your empathy. But a lifestyle of togetherness doesn’t mean absorbing every hardship you observe until you’re pushed into overwhelmed apathy. When we choose to live in community, we aren’t just choosing to carry the weight of others’ grief; we are choosing to let others carry ours as well.

Our grief is meant to be shared, and denial prevents us from experiencing the transformational power of that sharing.

What are some problems in the world right now that you aren’t directly connected to, though they still weigh heavy on your heart nonetheless? Challenge yourself to start a conversation with friends or family about those things, and find out what is bothering them.

Day 1 of 5: …To Other People

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