Encouragement for Aros and Aces by Katelyn Woods

Encouragement for Aros & Aces

Katelyn Woods

Day 1 of 5: Intro to Amatonormativity

Being an asexual and/or aromantic Christian can be a perplexing experience. Unlike other queer sexual identities, the church doesn’t treat asexuality or aromanticism as sinful, mostly because these identities don’t even come on most Christians' radar. Since the Church traditionally preaches no sex before marriage, and a lack of sexual attraction should make it "easier" to avoid "temptation," then being asexual may even seem like a positive thing in the Christian context, but of course it’s not that simple. I remember in high school when I came out as asexual to one of my friends, only to be immediately treated to a lecture about how I was going against God because God created man and woman to get married and reproduce, so asexuality was wrong.

I didn’t agree with the way she interpreted those passages about marriage in the Bible, but that didn’t make it any less hurtful. And, of course, asexuality and aromanticism are more complex than that; just because someone doesn’t experience romantic or sexual attraction doesn’t mean they won’t get married or have children. As if I wasn’t already confused enough about realizing I was asexual, the toxic ace discourse online was in full swing at the time (around 2014). I read a particular post which said it was considered abusive if an asexual person was married to someone and didn’t want to have sex with them. It freaked me out. I felt broken and awful and that no matter what, being asexual was a bad thing.

Since then, I have made other asexual and aromantic friends who have thought similar things about themselves, because our world is so amatonormative (as in, expecting a norm that all human beings pursue love or romance in sexual monogamous relationships). The culture of the Church is especially steeped in that expectation. So, with the Church and the Bible seemingly telling us that our existence is an affront to a God who made us for romantic relationships that fundamentally involve sex and reproduction and that an innate desire for these things is essential to being human, how do aces and aros approach our faith? Do we even fit into "God’s plan" for humanity? Or are we really broken in a way that needs to be fixed before we even approach God? Well, I’m here to tell you that amatonormativity is garbage. And contrary to what we’ve been led to believe, there is actually so much encouragement for the asexual and aromantic communities in the Bible!

Like everyone is, obviously — we are made in the image of God, and our lives and faith are important to Them.

Over the next few days, we will be exploring biblical passages that discuss relationships, marriage, and how they apply to our lives and even affirm our identities.

What have your experiences been with how others view asexuality or aromanticism? Do they see it as not real or even "wrong"? Take a moment to remind yourself that those views do not reflect the God of the Bible — a God who is kind and merciful and loving, who has made us all the way we are, and is with us through everything.

Thank you God for making me — and all my aro and ace siblings in the world — exactly as we are. Amen.

Day 1 of 5: Intro to Amatonormativity

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