Out of the Woods: Experiencing Spirit by Exploring Yourself by Rhea

Out of the Woods: Experiencing Spirit by Exploring Yourself

**Rhea**

Day 1 of 5: “Growing Away” from the Lord

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.” -John 15:1-2 (NASB)

I started reading about Hildegard of Bingen as a part of my herbalism certification program. I was fresh out of a cult in North Carolina and trying my damnedest to stay “in” church by finding answers to my questions. But left and right, my questions were seen as sinful.

So when I learned about Hildie’s term for spirit — “viriditas” — it was the catalyst for the deconstruction that I was on the cusp of. Viriditas was her catch-all word for “spirit.” It’s a portmanteau for the latin words for “green” and “truth.” It’s a wink and a nudge. Like “spirit told me to tell you that all true things grow.”

Growing up in a very white, fundamentalist sect of christianity was difficult; it’s kind of famous for creating strict boundaries and utterly destroying anything that has the audacity to grow outside of its structure. That type of psychologically damaging control was always tethered back to John 15. Jesus himself says that God the father personally prunes folks back — like a bonsai tree that you want to keep teensy.

So what are we supposed to do when our interests, concerns, and stories outgrow the confines of what we’re given?

I pondered this question a lot before I made the choice to abandon the faith of my youth. Between my anger at specific organizations and my fear that I would lose friends, there was something even more insidious: shame.

I felt ashamed that I couldn’t keep pruning myself. I was “backsliding” and “forsaking the Lord.” But the idea of the Viriditas stuck with me. “True things grow.”

So I wasn’t falling away. “Falling” implies that it was an accident.

No—what I did was “growing away.”

The very next thought, once I realised that I wasn’t bad, was that I can’t be damned if I followed the Viriditas away from church.

Call to Action/Homework: Make a list of all the ways you have grown. Fold it up and either bury it in your yard or in a house plant as a symbolic gesture of commitment to God, your ancestors, the universe, and yourself that you will not stop growing.

Day 1 of 5: “Growing Away” from the Lord

Start reading this 5-day devotional in the app. Find it on the Featured shelf.