Communication + God = Sacred Sex by Suzanne DeWitt Hall

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Suzanne DeWitt Hall

Day 1 of 4: Communication about Sex

My spouse and I were both unhappily married to men when we became friends in a socially conservative church. As time passed, the friendship transformed into love, surprising us both. We survived our mutual divorces and married a few years later. Through that transition and various life challenges since then, our communication skills have been honed, and the topic of sex played a role in that honing. Honest talk about lovemaking continues to be important to the health of our relationship. In that, we are not alone.

Here’s an excerpt from my Sex With God devotional, which explores this issue.

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“To experience the most profound levels of sexual ecstasy, we must be willing to release, even if only temporarily, the drive for explosive orgasms and surrender to a quest for self-discovery and healing.”
—Michael Mirdad (An Introduction to Tantra and Sacred Sexuality, Grail Productions Inc., 2008)

Sex drives are individual and varying. Even in a couple with drives which are closely matched, things can be thrown out of whack by busy schedules, illness, or emotional situations. But faking orgasm, hiding pornography use, or going silently resentful because your partner can’t generate sexual enthusiasm when you want them to is destructive. These things lead to the gradual degradation of physical and emotional intimacy.

So how do we manage the challenge of varying levels of physical need? Communication.

Communication can help identify what your partner really wants. Sometimes it’s the physical release of orgasm, and sometimes it’s a need for closeness and intimacy which can be met in different ways. Your partner may actually be hungry for touch, or quiet times of snuggles and planning adventures for the future.

I don’t mean to imply that talking through the challenges of sexual compatibility is an easy fix. Sometimes the issues discussed might be significantly disruptive, but it’s necessary for any hope of problem resolution. If your love is real, talking through sexual challenges should draw you closer as you both reveal deep vulnerabilities. It isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.

There’s someone else you should include in your communication efforts. Remember to offer your sexuality to the One who created it, asking that your desire be presented and satisfied in ways which are pleasing to God. And then permit your spirit to listen to the Spirit’s whispers in response.

You might be surprised by what you hear.

Day 1 of 4: Communication about Sex

Start reading this 4-day devotional in the app. Find it on the Featured shelf.